Raspberry Debacle

13 April, 2007

Galangal Raspberry Friands, and Using Up Leftovers

Filed under: afternoon tea, cake, fruit, gluten-free, spring, vegetarian — Holly @ 11:19 am

A blueberry friand and a raspberry friand

I’m dreadful at using up leftovers. Occasionally I make stock from a leftover roast, but then a week later I still haven’t used the stock for anything and it’s growing cloudy in the back of the fridge. I bake at a rate of about 120% of our household baked-goods consumption rate (and then booby-trap the baking trays, to decrease the chances of other housemates contributing to the problem), and the last slice or two of any given cake ends up in the bin. When I do manage to use leftovers, as often as not it’s in a more expensive meal than I would have cooked otherwise, after I’ve spent twenty minutes searching for recipes with everything I have to use up (kale, roast beef and banana pasta?), and then another fifteen running down to the supermarket for half the ingredients.

Obviously this is a bad thing and I need to to get better-organised, and also more local friends who eat a lot. Also obviously, it’s the result of the historically and socially unlikely luxury of being able to easily get more food than I need. Certainly the idea of using leftovers appeals to me immensely, but I’m unlikely to start rinsing the dressing off uneaten salad and freezing the carefully dried leaves, or rubbing old tealeaves on the bathroom mirror to clean it (apparently you have to buff it with a soft cloth afterwards to, er, wipe the tealeaves off). I do enjoy and use wartime advice like “if only a small amount of [lemon] juice is needed, prick one end of a lemon with a fork. Squeeze out the amount needed and store the lemon in the ice-box” (from the 1940s Foods That Will Win The War And How To Cook Them); but modern squeamishness has me cringing at the same book’s chapter on gelatine. (Gelatine is good for using up leftovers in a number of ways, all of which boil down to “get a load of gelatine, mix it with a lot of leftovers, leave it all in a mould to set, slice, optionally give dish a name including the word ’surprise’.” This technique is consistent regardless of whether the leftovers are fish, fruit, cheese, rice, or coconut and celery.)

The use of leftovers I find most startling and delightful comes from the bijoutiers. Perhaps everybody knows about them except me, but I’d never even heard of them until yesterday, and they’re brilliant. They worked in Paris, particularly around the eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries but existing in some form until the middle of the twentieth, and they would walk around to embassies and restaurants and oversupplied wealthy houses, collecting the leftovers, tossing them into a basket: pie-crusts and boiled eggs, chicken wings, scraps of raw pastry, squashed fruit, nuts, uneaten vegetables. Back in the markets, the bijoutiers would arrange the leftovers on tiny plates, in jewel-like patterns, and sell them on; sometimes to hungry passers-by, sometimes even to restaurants, who would add them to their own menus.

In Versailles the waste was even more extravagant, and elaborate meals would be sent from the royal table untouched. The leftovers market differed correspondingly; no bijoutiers to collect the scraps, but rather the Versailles kitchens setting everything out in the market themselves:

The foods that come from the King’s table, and those of Princes, are barely touched when they go on sale. The bourgeois are not embarrassed to serve them since anything that was on a Prince’s table is said to be both delicious and safe to eat. At least a quarter of Versailles lives off of the food once served on the royal table and the cooks of his Majesty are, in fact, preparing foods for lowly stomachs for which these culinary masterpieces were never intended. Huge fish go untouched from his Highness’s table, or that of the Count of Artois, to a hat maker’s table, to the delight of his little family, who feed on succulent dishes and no longer need to cook for themselves.

This is the sort of leftover even I could eat consistently: elaborate delicious meals with absurd ingredients, available cheaply and conveniently. As it is, though, the only sort of leftovers I manage to use up with any regularity are egg whites and egg yolks, and that’s not much of an accomplishment: the solution to “oh, I have some leftover bits of egg” is usually “RAPID EMERGENCY CAKE: INITIATE BAKING PROCEDURES NOW”. Reasons to bake are not something I generally need more of, so egg-yolks become ice-cream or dense and gooey cakes, while egg-whites become friands, uneconomically (almond meal is not a cheap way of using up anything) but deliciously.

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4 April, 2007

Chocolate Mousse Cakes and counterfeit food

Filed under: cake, dairy-free, dessert, gluten-free, spring, vegan — Holly @ 9:29 am

Close-up of vegan chocolate mousse

Huckleberries are a real fruit!

This is important. Back in my first year of high-school, we played a class-wide game in a music lesson, and one round involved thinking of fruit that started with the same letter as your name. This is, okay, clearly not a great game anyway, since (1) you get into arguments about what constitutes a fruit and what a vegetable, arguments which music teachers and competitive twelve-year-old girls aren’t necessarily qualified to answer (but which they’ll be very keen to address anyway); and (2) people named, say, Beatrice (blueberries, blackberries, boysenberries, bananas) have an advantage over people named, I don’t know, Holly. Still, I would have pulled through the round, with “huckleberry”, if the teacher hadn’t deemed huckleberries entirely nonexistent, a character name rather than an actual fruit; and since I’d never seen one, I assumed she knew better than I.

But now it turns out they really do exist, and they really are a fruit. Bears like to eat them! There’s even a trade in fakes: “Al Hedman, who produces Larchwood Farms Huckleberry Jam, said an illicit trade in counterfeit huckleberry products has been going on for years with inferior blueberries or other farmed berries being substituted for Montana’s tart, wild bounty”!

It’s probably contrary to Mr Hedman’s intent, but my main thought on reading his complaint (after “they are too a fruit! I knew it! Every moment of success that Beatrice has had since 1994 should have been mine“, anyway) was “brilliant, I can make counterfeit huckleberry cake with blueberries.” I love the idea of food masquerading as other food, and surely counterfeiters — whose income and freedom depends on their expertise — must know better than most what works and what doesn’t.

Most counterfeit food is offputtingly unsuitable for cakes. It’s non-organic meat and vegetables substituted for organic, with surreptitious farmers “spraying ‘organic’ crops with chemicals under the cover of darkness”. It’s farmed salmon fed artificial colouring so it’ll look nice and pink. It’s counterfeit brand-name food, with Ferrero Rocher’s brand-name being trademarked in China by the rival company that was counterfeiting its chocolates, and brands like Coca-Cola and Kraft having similar problems. At the same time, it’s Kraft being sued for its guacamole dip that contained less than 2% avocadoes; it was eventually relabelled a “guacamole-flavoured dip”.

Tofu seems the best possible counterfeit food: inoffensive and pointless in itself, but confusingly good at pretending to be something different. Freeze and fry for a plausible chicken! Crumble it up for scrambled eggs! Dry it and tan it and wear it as a coat or hardy boots, for all I know, stretch it out and use it as violin strings, roll some in a pile of dust to make a charming pet hamster. And make mousse out of it: the vegan chocolate mousse at 101 Cookbooks is fantastic and resilient, absorbing pretty much any flavours you could plausibly want a mousse to have and just sitting there, wobbling gently.

Mousse, of course, is ideal for putting on cakes.

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30 March, 2007

Vegan Potato Salad and food colouring

Filed under: gluten-free, salad, spring, vegan, vegetables, vegetarian — Holly @ 1:15 pm

A kale-and-chickpea salad.

Salad is just rubbish, isn’t it? In the past five years I’ve shared a house with two vegans, two vegetarians, and three meat-eaters, and in all that time I’ve had one salad that tasted nice. I keep trying: I use recipes, I use “these vegetables all taste nice” logic, I order meals with salad in restaurants, and it just doesn’t work. I get a perfectly nice pasta dish… that somebody’s left to go cold and manky. Some delightful lettuces and tomato… that someone’s covered with a greasy slick of oil. Chickpeas and lemon and a load of crunchy stuff is still fundamentally going to taste like lemony chickpeas, and one mouthful of lemony chickpeas is enough for me.

Salad is the one food where almost every recipe includes something that you’re supposed to add “for colour”. There’s nothing wrong with colour; it might not affect the taste, but it affects our experience of the taste, and that’s the important thing. Fifty percent of us assume our cordial is lime-flavoured if it’s coloured green. The semi-arbitrary association of “blue” with “raspberry” developed partly because customers just couldn’t tell the difference between strawberry and raspberry flavourings without some sort of colour cue. I’ll put food colouring in orange cakes, and it does make them taste more orangey to me, even though there’s no flavour in it.

At the end of the nineteenth century the burgeoning margarine industry was famously kept in check by legislation controlling not the sale of margarine but its colour (which is naturally white); in the US, margarine that had been coloured an attractive yellow was taxed at forty times the rate of its uncoloured equivalent. In New Hampshire, Vermont, Minnesota, West Virginia and South Dakota, margarine could only be sold at all if it was coloured pink (at least until the Supreme Court demurred). Even the packaging had to be unattractive, predating similar “smoking may cause lung cancer” labelling laws by decades:

In this connection, one state requires that a black band at least three inches wide be painted around the container. Another state requires the use of labels painted with lamp black and oil on all containers of butter substitutes.

And because people like things to look the right colour, this set the stage for profitable dodges:

Another man who made a highly profitable find in the food field in recent years is Leo Peters, originator of the “Pak” margarine package, made out of plastic and containing a capsule for coloring. By merely kneading the “Pak,” a housewife can give a pound of margarine the appetizing hue of butter. It took Peters a long time to put the idea across, but once it was accepted by manufacturers he began collecting royalties estimated at $1,000,000 a year.

So adding something for colour: fine. But salads don’t just have ingredients added for colour. They seem to exist at all just for the sake of that colour, to throw a pie or a bit of meat or something else that actually tastes good into relief. They’re not a decent food that I’d want to eat anyway, with a bit of adornment to make them more enticing: they’re a food that I keep trying because it makes plates look better, and because other people seem to approve, but which there’s never any point in eating. Salads aren’t horrible, they’re just pointless and dreary. They take up space on the plate, but maybe it’s time to start getting smaller plates, or saving money by having reusable crumpled cellophane, instead of wasting five minutes a day chopping up spring onions and radishes, both of which, frankly, taste of nothing at all.

The only reason I haven’t given up on salad entirely is… well, d’you remember I said that I’ve had one salad, ever, that tasted nice? Yes, well, that one tastes really really nice. It has spring onions. It has radishes. I taste the spring onions and radishes as I chop them up, and they still taste of nothing, but then I put them in this salad and they’re delicious.

It doesn’t even look very pretty, which, since “looking pretty” is the one thing most salads are good for (you can’t even throw them, they just fall into their constituent parts and get on your clothes), puts it at a disadvantage. But it doesn’t need to look pretty. It stands around on street corners and sneers at the pretty salads as they go by, and the pretty salads drop their heads and rush onward because they know it’s better than they are.

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23 March, 2007

Honey Bee Biscuits and Flying Monks

Filed under: biscuits, shaped like other things, spring, vegetarian — Holly @ 11:08 am

Some bee-shaped biscuits in a tree

Until I moved to England, I’d never seen a bumblebee. They’re brilliant: lumbering, fluffy, huge-bottomed, apparently convinced they should nest in my hair, and very cute. Usually I react to cute things by wanting to put them in my mouth, and bumblebees fly so slowly that you could eat them right out of the air; the only problem is that they aren’t delicious enough.

The idea that the world would be better if more things tasted nice is an old one. There are wedding dresses made of cream puffs and scale models of San Francisco made out of jelly; and there’s the mediaeval dream of Cockaigne, the country where the walls are pies and the flowers are buttered scones, and everything is the most delicious food you’ve ever tasted. The twelfth-century The Golden Dream tells the story:

There are rivers great and fine
Of oil, milk, honey and wine;
Water there serves no purpose
Except to be looked at and to wash with.

In Cockaigne, the animals want to be eaten. The pigs are fried and cheerful, walking around with knives in their backs, so that you can carve out a slice more easily. Nobody works, nobody is blind or ill, and you get paid to eat or drink. There are no laws (except against working), because everyone has everything they want. Owls lay fur coats, and horse defecate poached eggs.

The geese roasted on the spit
Fly to that abbey, God knows,
And cry out: “Geese, all hot, all hot!”
They bring along plenty of garlic.

Cockaigne is a world not just of greed but of sloth and lust and mischievous monks who fly away from the abbey when they’re supposed to be praying:

When the abbot sees for himself
That his monks fly away from him,
He takes a maiden of the company
And turns up her white behind
And beats the small drums with his hand
To make the monks alight on land.
When his monks see [him do] that,
They fly down to the maid
And go all around the wench
And pat all her white behind
And then, after their labor,
Go meekly home to drink.

No wonder that to get there, you have to wade chin-deep in pig dung for seven years. In the Netherlands, Cockaigne is Luileckerland, “lazy luscious land”, and can only be reached if you eat your way through a ten-thousand-foot-high rice pudding.

Come the 21st century, and remnants of Cockaigne hang about in Australian advertising campaigns:

Wouldn’t it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Going to the pics would be so sweet!
There’d be no need for munchies:
Cad’bry Dairy Milk is the perfect treat.
If someone came and blocked your screen view,
Just take a bite and make a hole to see through.
Wouldn’t it be nice?

In other versions of the ad, viewers are urged to respond to ravenous sharks by saying “I’m chocolate — I invite you”. This is Cockaigne with the eater-eatee wall broken down, where it’s humans who wander the streets with benign smiles, relishing the opportunity to feed others.

Back in London, on this side of the ten-thousand-foot rice pudding hill, it’s cold and the bumblebees have gone into hiding. The best I can do is these honey-and-gingerbread bee biscuits (cookies if you’re American); inanimate, and too big to fly into your mouth in one go anyway, but crisp and chewy and not covered in hair. Just remember to pull out the eyes before you eat them.

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21 March, 2007

Simnel Cake: it’s an anagram of Anemic Elks

Filed under: cake, food origins, fruit, gluten-free, special occasions, spring, sweets, vegetarian — Holly @ 4:21 pm

An apostle ball on a slice of simnel cake

There are three stories of the origin of Simnel Cake. The first alleges that the name comes from “similia”, Latin for the fine flour from which the cake was originally made; this story is both plausible and dull. The second, more exciting, claims it was invented by Lambert Simnel, a fifteenth-century ten-year-old who impersonated the Earl of Warwick (also age ten), was crowned King Edward VI in Dublin, fought against Henry VII, and was later - aged eleven by this time - pardoned and given a job in the royal kitchen as a spit-turner. Better.

The final story of the origin of the Simnel Cake comes from an old woman from Salop, who was told the story as a child:

An old Shropshire tale has it that long ago there lived an honest old couple, Simon and Nelly, and it was their custom to gather their children around them at Easter. Nelly had some leftover unleavened dough from Lent, and Simon reminded her there was some plum pudding still left over from Christmas. They could make some treats for the visiting family.

Nell put the leftovers together, and Sim insisted the cake should be boiled, while she was just as certain that it should be baked. They had a fight and came to blows, but compromised by doing both. They cooked the cake over a fire made from furniture broken in the scuffle, and some eggs, similarly broken, were used to baste it. The delicacy was named after this cantankerous couple.

I’m very fond of stories about how particular food came to be. I recently left some balsamic vinegar to reduce on the stove and forgot about it, and found it a couple of hours later reduced to a black sponge with the texture of brittle plastic. Since I’d read a lot of stories about food origins, I took a bite, assuming it would be delicious and that in a few months I could languidly tell reporters the story of how I discovered BalsamiSnax and became a millionaire. The fact that it tasted horrible is no reason why some other unlikely concatenations of food mightn’t turn out delicious, and any food origin that involves a married couple hitting each other with stools until they break and then using those stools to bake their new cake is a story it would be churlish to disbelieve.

These days, the qualifications for a simnel cake are a bit less stringent than they used to be: stool-smashing is optional, and there’s no boiling required, for a start. Other people’s simnel cakes seem to establish a simple but clear set of rules:
1. The cake must be made on, or for, Mothering Sunday (the 18th of March, this year) or Easter Sunday.
2. It must be a fruit cake.
4. There must be a layer of marzipan inside.
3. There must be another layer of marzipan on top.
5. There must be eleven marzipan balls on top of that, representing the Apostles, except for Judas who, as punishment for betraying Christ, was denied the right to be represented in confectionery form.
6. There must be some other endearing but slightly silly decoration on top, which should be related to Easter and rebirth in some way.

Unfortunately, I don’t like marzipan (presumably it was invented when Zeppo Marx fell into a giant pan of almonds just after he’d been for a swim in a pool that was unexpectedly filled with sugar, at which he was so angry that he broke eggs all over himself and rolled around until he was covered in a thick white paste; it certainly tastes like it).

I’m also not really very enthusiastic about fruit cake (except in the very broad sense that, say, an orange cake or a bar of chocolate with sultanas in it is a fruit cake).

Also, I realised it was Simnel Cake Day at four-thirty on Mothering Sunday, half an hour before the local supermarket closed, and one of my housemates — the one who told me about Simnel Cake in the first place — is gluten-intolerant. Fortunately I had already chosen to discount the “similia” fine-flour origin story.

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